Where's Heidi when you need her?

It occurred to me as I tried (and failed) once again this morning to fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans that I haven't heard back from Heidi Klum (see post entitled, "Memorandum"). Clearly, this is an oversight on the part of her management team. I'm sure she read the memo and immediately contacted the appropriate people to have her magic weight-loss elixir sent my way.

In the absence of her elixir, team of personal trainers, and home gym, however, I find myself at somewhat of a loss for ideas of how to get rid of this pregnancy weight.

I've tried several things. I switched to Diet Coke, watched the Biggest Loser, even studied the box my Wii Fitness Plus came in. And yet, 10 weeks post-partum, after countless hours spent researching different exercise programs and using Google maps to find the closest health club to my house, those jeans still barely fit over my thighs.

Meanwhile, my husband looks better than ever. After gaining 3.9 sympathy pounds, I believe he's actually lost 15. The secret behind his efforts? Meatball subs and Taco Bell. He's defended his abominable eating habits to me for over a decade now while I've preached the virtues of veggies and eating a little less meat.

I'm going to get a #3 from McDonald's for lunch and plan to get on the scale immediately following. If it turns out he's right, I'm never going to hear the end of this. At least I'll look good rolling my eyes in my skinny clothes.